*****1: my brain is bigger than yours.
*****2: that's called a tumor.

.....

*****1 conversing with a fashion-obsessed *****2

*****1: the biggest word in your vocab is "chanel."
*****2: no, it's not. it's louis vuitton

.....

*****1: my face is a materpiece.
*****2: is it abstract art?

.....

during class:

teacher: jummah salaah is not fardh on the oppressed.

*****1 whispers to *****2: it won't be fardh on your husband.

.....

*****1: i'm so smart.
*****2: you have such a great sense of humor

the morning after a bitter-sweet BBQ party farewell for madeofearth.

*****1: is it just me, or does anyone else feel a weird emptiness inside?
*****2: hunger?

.....

the morning we depart for our summer vacation, the main entrance is in a state of chaos with girls hugging, crying, and running around bewildered.

a girl rudely roused from her beauty sleep by the noise, demands:

*****1: what's going on here?
*****2 in a completely sombre monotone:

*****2: someone died.

.....

girls enacting the classic fob act on a call to the local pizzeria.

asking for dipping sauce.

*****1: you hawe chutney???

.....

*****1 to *****2: i'm so sorry about my constant usage of your body spray. i forgot mine at home.
*****2: no problem. you need it.

.....

*****1: i look so bad in pictures :(
*****2: it's not only in pictures.

.....

the residents of a certain room are complaining they can't fall asleep.

*****1. just do dhikar, shaytaan will make you fall asleep.

..........

*****1. come on guys, take me seriously.
*****2. is that a joke?

..........

a few girls are consoling their distraught friend.

*****1. should we take her to the vet?

..........

discussing annoying fajar wakers.

*****1. man, i want to smack them

*****2. can you please knock em out before they get to my bed?

..........

*****1. don't eavesdrop. i'm talking to myself.

..........

*****1. i wish these windows would stop fogging up

*****2. stop breathing?

..........

*****1 grinds her teeth at being reprimanded on her attitude.

*****2. don't suck your teeth. brush them.

..........

*****1's hand is brushed by the non-muslim male serving her at the cashier as he passes her the change.

*****1. crap! now i have to do wudhu again :(

..........

*****1. *****2 is like a beacon of light in my life. a very dim light.

*****1 looks in the mirror after a long tiring day and feels her face looks like it's been trampled over. she turns to her roomies.

*****1. how comes you guys didn't tell me i looked this bad?
*****2. we thought you already knew

..........

*****1. how would i lie about not praying salaah?
*****2. lotsa practise

..........

students are discussing the tumultuous relationship between india and pakistan

*****1. the taj mahal is in karachi (she wasn't even joking).

*****2. yeah and the olympics originated in punjab.

..........

*****1. yo, i never knew it was halal for the bride and groom to talk on their walimah day.

..........

*****1. i don't write anything i don't understand.

*****2. which explains why most of your books are empty.

..........

*****1. all of us have a man hidden inside us
*****2. with punjabi women it's not so hidden

..........

a girl explains why she spelled out cafeteria in arabic instead of writing the correct arabic word for it.

*****1. can we say al-blondie?

..........

trying to wake a particularly stubborn girl for fajar

*****1. wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*****2. leave me alone. i'm going to do my qadaa when i wake up.

..........

*****1. i thought lying was only makruh

..........

*****1. white people in hollywood are originally brown
*****2. they get surgery done to become white
*****3. and when the surgery goes bad they become rappers

..........

*****1. my husband will be a decent, gangster molvi